The Boy Who Loved
When you are ignored by a person whose attention means most to you, the reaction in your brain will be similar to physical pain.
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| The Boy Who Loved |
It was true he was looking up, but not focusing on his studies or listening to what the teacher was teaching. He was looking at the new girl in the class, Aarya. She was sitting at the front bench. When she first arrived in the city three days earlier, Jay was one of the first to see her as she moved to the house next to his on Sixth District Street. She was 15 years old with black hair and dark brown eyes. Her eyes were as deep as the ocean and as calm as the sky; Jay would look at them all day without blinking. She was taller than most of the other girls of her age, as she could easily reach the shoulders of Jay, who was almost 6 feet tall.
Jay could remember it clearly when she with her family had arrived the next morning at his house to greet their new neighbours. She wore a white jacket and blue trousers. Her face was a little bit red from the cold. His family invited them for tea, but they refused saying they had to go to the other's house too and greet them and they had already had tea.
Aarya was too quiet of nature, but that's because she has recently moved and does not know anyone here, all this makes her more admirable, Jay thought. Her quiet face made her unique and when she wasn't talking, Jay could look at her face all he wanted, making sure no one noticed. He never really tried to talk to her except when his mother told him to shake hands and greet her the very first time he met her. His mother had to repeat it twice because Jay had just listened to the voice of his new neighbour when she said, "Namaste Aunty. Namaste Uncle. Good Morning." Her voice was sweet and it could be heard inside of Jay's mind every time. He extended his hands towards Aarya. He had never felt something as soft as her hands. A peculiar sensation passed through his palm when they came in contact with Aarya's.
He was thinking about it in the classroom while looking at the dark straight hair tied in a sleek high ponytail. They were smooth, Jay could notice.
"Hey, are you even listening to us?" said his friends. "Go talk to her if you like her so much."
"What do you think? I don't want to talk to her? I want it, but would she talk to a loser like me?" thought Jay.
"Yes, I will." He said.
It has been a month since Aarya came. She was a new student, but that didn't stop her from scoring top grades in the monthly tests. She also got full marks in English Language and Literature, which were quite hard subjects.
It was the winter holidays in the school. One evening, someone rang the bell of Jay's house. Jay's mother attended it. "Golu, there is someone to meet you," said his mother from the living room. Jay who was in his room on the first floor paused Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, which he was playing and came running down. He was first irritated with disturbing me while playing my favourite game. H
Jay's mood has never changed from being completely irritated a second before to being uncontrollably happy the next second. It was Aarya, who was sitting on the sofa in his living room. She was wearing a purple top and black gym pants. Her perfume was good which spread throughout the room. It smelled of fresh beach in the moonlight with a faint smell of vanilla, mixed beautifully which made her divine appearance prominent and distinguished it from commoners.
As soon as Jay entered the room, she stood up and said, "Hello Jay. Sorry for disturbing you." She extended her hand and Jai said while extending his, "Hi. No need to worry, I was free though." His mother added, "No need to be sorry Aarya. You can come anytime. All he does is play stupid gun and fighting games."
Jay didn't like these remarks of his uselessness by her mother in front of Aarya. He got that peculiar sensation again as his hand touched Aarya's. The impulses from his palm rushed to his brain and then to his heart, feeling it with warmth.
Aarya said, sitting again on the sofa, "I heard you are the captain of the School Football team."
Her voice was so sweet and calm, it sparked a fire in Jay's heart.
Jay wanted to say proudly, "You heard nothing wrong," but his mother said before he could start, "Yes. He is good at sports. He knows that only. He is useless at every other thing." Jay looked at Aarya's face. She was smiling a little.
Jay wanted to yell, "What was the need of saying it?" but instead of that the words that came out of his mouth were, "Can you please make some tea for us?" His mother left and Jay said, "Sorry, my mother likes to make fun of me like that. Yes, I am good at sports."
"I want to join the Football team," she said.
Jay's face was filled with happiness and his heart was beating so hard that anytime it could come out of his chest.
"Can I join, Jay?" The long emphasis on his name makes it sound a hundred times more luscious.
"Yes, you can. I have no objection, but there are mostly boys on the team. Are you okay with it?" Jay said.
"Yes, I'm good."
"Alright, I will talk to the coach tomorrow. I will give you a form. You have to fill it and sign it by your parents."
"I will come tomorrow afternoon to take it."
"No need to bother. I will come to give it to you."
"Oh. Thank you. That's so sweet of you Jay."
Saying "sweet" was enough to make Jay all red, but she also stood up and gave him a hug. He has never been this close to a girl before. He could smell her recently shampooed hair and he could smell her body, but more than that he could feel it. A sensation this strong has never run throughout his body. He felt like, he had touched an open live wire. He felt that all the current travelled through his body and collected between his legs. It was strange yet a pleasant experience.
"Sorry. One last thing to disturb you with today," she said sitting back in her seat.
"Don't be sorry. Ask anything." Jay was so delighted that he could grant any wish of hers, even if she had asked for his life he would give it happily.
"Can you give me your number? Take mine too. I need your help to get adjusted with everyone here."
"Yes. I will. It will be an honour. Write." Jay was looking at her eyes. They were so beautiful and all the patterns on her retinas made them look unique. Jay thought, "One happiness after another. Thank you, God. Today is the best day of my life."
She left after giving the number. Jay's mother came outside. Jay said, "Where were you? We didn't even serve tea to the guests."
"I came but you were having special moments so I thought not to disturb you," said his mother with a smile on her face.
"It wasn't anything like that. She was just being thankful to me for getting her into the team."
"Okay. Okay. No need to shout. I didn't know about this new modern way of 'being thankful'. Let me ask your father and sister about it," said his mother with an uncontrollable laugh.
"Mom, stop. Fine. Do what you want." He said and left for his room.
It was 7 p.m. Jay thought "What she might be doing? Should I message her? She might be studying so I should not. But she can message me back later when she gets free. What's wrong with a message."
He opened WhatsApp and started typing.
"Hi. Talked to coach. Practise tomorrow at 6 a.m. on school grounds." He pressed send and put his phone aside.
Immediately his phone buzzed. It was Aarya's message.
"Cool. Thanks a lot."
"My pleasure."
Jay thought to himself "Should I talk to her about anything else. I should probably not. I should not irritate her with long conversations the first time we chat."
He was typing something but he erased it. He put his phone aside and got down to study.
It was 11:56 and his homework was over. He picked up his phone and opened the chat with Aarya. He clicked on her profile picture and started getting lost in her eyes.
At that time, a notification came. It was her again.
"Are you looking at my profile picture?" read the message.
Jay immediately typed, "No. Absolutely no. Why would you think that I wonder."
"Good. I was sure it wasn't you. Anyway, you are online this late. Don't you want to wake up for tomorrow's practice?"
"Yes. I was just having trouble getting sleep."
"Okay. I thought you might be talking to your girlfriend."
"Girlfriend? Me? A girl even looks at someone like me, that would be enough for me to jump all day with joy."
"You don't have a girlfriend? You are popular though in school. That's sad. I hope you get one day and that day comes soon."
Jay thought, "Yes. I have found that girl. I hope to get her soon."
"Oh no no. I am not that much popular. Just people say about me. I have done nothing actually."
"No. You are popular and you won 3 medals for our school."
"Okay if you insist so much."
"Better you do."
"Why do you want to join the team?"
"I have nothing to do. I feel so lonely sometimes. I have no friends. Sorry to say this to you for whom this sport is everything. I want something to distract myself with."
"Okay. No problem. I do not feel bad and you can talk to me everything you want."
"Thank you so much. You have been so good to me."
"I wanted to ask one thing. You could have asked anyone's help to join the team. Why me?"
"Stupid. You are the captain. Forgot? Also, you are my neighbour and I don't know anyone else. Also, you are so sweet friend of mine."
"Friend? Me?"
"Told you. You are really stupid. Of course, you are my friend."
Jay just couldn't hold back his tears. It was the first time he liked a girl and that girl called him a friend.
"What? Are you busy?" said Aarya.
"No no. Sorry network problem."
"No problem. Good Night then. Bye"
"Good Night. Bye."
She came in the morning for practice. The coach assigned Jay to make her fit for the team. They spent more and more time together. They told each other stories. The stories of their past. Some were good, some were bad. They shared their future ambitions. Aarya wanted to be rich. She wanted to crack IIT. Jay didn't have any definite goal for a job, but he had another goal, that is to become a person suitable for Aarya. They played together, won matches, and ate together. Whenever someone's parents had to go out, they would drop their child at another's house.
Aarya one day jokingly said that she wanted to marry someone who gets good grades. It was merely a joke for Aarya, but for Jay, it became his goal. Jay started working hard all day and all night to achieve this goal. He forgot to eat, and he left the team. Everyone asked him the reason, but he told no one. He only told that he just got bored from the game. He left his friends. He talked to no one. He did not go to school, he stopped spending time with Aarya, just to achieve the goal and become the man Aarya wanted.
The results of the final examination came. Jay had scored full marks in all 10 subjects. He topped, who barely used to pass. He told Aarya. She was happy for him. Jay started going to school again. He wanted to know how much Aarya had changed. She used to sit with Jay previously. She was quiet all day and talked to no one.
When Jay reached school, Aarya did not sit with him, rather she chose to sit with a boy who was the current captain of the team. Aarya talked to him all day. She did not even look at Jay once. Jay started getting a little bit jealous. When she tried talking to Aarya, she ignored him and continued talking to that guy. Their words were like spears striking inside Jay's heart. He was enraged. He could not believe that he did everything for this girl. He taught her everything. He left everything for her, to become the man she wanted. He truly loved her and trusted her, but in return what did he get? Nothing.
Jay had no one to talk to. He left all his friends, and his team for her. When he would message her, she wouldn't talk to him with that enthusiasm. He would see her online all the time, but still, she would ignore his messages.
Jay felt suffocated under the burden of sadness that he created for himself. Oftentimes, he would get angry at her and her new friend, but he realized that why would she even love him back? Why would any girl love him? What has he become? A complete nobody. He had no friends. He had become distant from his family. His own house was now suffocating for him. When he would try to sleep, their voices would be heard in his mind. The voice which before brought warmth in his heart now brought only sadness.
He came to hate himself and more than that he came to hate his life. He wanted to die, he was sure no one would miss him, but the thought of his family stopped him. He stepped on the terrace many times to jump, but he was a coward. He would try to cut his wrist, but he couldn't.
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